The Taboo of Emotions.

Why is it negative to be emotional? 
As if we were meant to be unfeeling creatures, 
Able to process life in commands and do’s and don’t’s 
As if we were to be stiff robots.
To see all things objectively.
To see as one man, one mind. 
As only one type of way.

To think not feel.
Why are emotions taboo? 
As if emotions are a barrier for truth and resolution. 
As if emotions get in the way of healthy friendships and conflict resolution.

Isn’t it what sets us apart from mere animals? 
Or non-living things?
Weren’t our brains made to have emotional capacity, such as heartbreak, hurt, empathy, jealousy, hatred, disappointment, and forgiveness?
Don’t we have the capacity to feel and explore the reality of such things? 

To figure out such things out? 
Why are emotions such taboo? 

What’s wrong with involving emotions in a conflict and express how each other felt?
What’s so wrong about sadness and disappointment? 

Why must we push it aside, sweep it under the rug, hide it in the corners of our minds
And pretend everything is alright.
As if our emotions don’t have anything to do with our welfare. 
As if emotions are the last thing to be cared for on this earth.

Why must we view emotions as such? 

Can’t we deal with them, admit them, and work them out? 
Can’t we express them? 
Is emotion weakness? 
But then why do we feel so much? From such a young age until our old age? 
Why are emotions taboo? 
They should be more revealing of the heart and mind’s condition. 

They should be attended to and healed.
They should be expressed and reconciled.
And then we can be resilient. 

Then we can be heard.

They were made to be acknowledged. 

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Best Short-Films/Docu’s I’ve Watched

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Bella Vita

Bella Vita is such a beautifully made film. The cinematography and the story-telling is so natural yet so epic. It lurched my heart towards Italy and its culture and loving people again. I must do a surfing excursion with my friends there 🙂

You would think this is a movie just about a typical American surfer going to Italy to catch some waves, but in reality it is a lot about life, enjoying being laid back, exploring Italian culture and their community-oriented lifestyles, being surrounded by incredible people, and doing the things you love to do. The surfing is amazing, and their passion of this sport is incredible, and so relatable, as I’ve surfed several times and felt so incredibly alive and enlightened in life. I loved how they incorporated so much of Italian culture and focused on the local authentic lives of each important person in this film. Man, I was so inspired while watching this film. I miss the Italian culture, the welcoming and hospitable people, the relaxed and loving energy, and the raw authentic away-from-everything kind of feels you get while traveling through Tuscany. The loving and open hearts of the surfers from all over the world was so good to see too, and witnessing the beginnings of this the surf movement Italy was so cool!

I personally lived in Italy for 6 months so seeing all the gorgeous places landscapes of Florence, Pisa, and Venice again was so sweet. My heart was leaping with longing , joy, and even tears as I looked into this person’s beautiful life and the people he was surrounded with. The director Jason Baffa did such an amazing job with the DOP and cinematography. Such a wholesome documentary, I definitely recommend it 🙂 For more info, check out their link!

Bella Vita Film.

The Drop Box

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The Drop Box

One of the best documentaries I’ve seen. I literally could not stop crying on the bus as I watched from my iPhone on my commute to school, and at home when I finished up the movie seeing the incredibly sacrificial and caring Pastor Lee exert so much love, faith, and energy on these abandoned unwanted children. This documentary is about how this amazing man finds value in all children, and addresses the problem of baby abandonment by setting up a “baby box” and taking care of the abandoned babies his entire life and seeing them until full health. Korean society shapes so much of the shame and taboo of having a teen pregnancy or having a disabled child which has led so many young mothers give up their babies in this baby box in the dead of night, never wanting to be contacted or seen again. They literally abandon their babies by trashcans and this selfless loving man and pastor finds them and takes them in as his own.

I was so moved by this film, and so moved by Pastor Lee’s heart and endurance through this ministry. It takes his entire life and energy, yet he does it in faith and joy. He is so committed to loving these children, it is unfathomable on his own. We need more people like him in this world. People who care. Not just talk the talk but walk the walk. This is an intense movie, so get ready with tissues in hand. I was so so moved to not just live life for my own desires and dreams, but to live life for others. This young generation is so self-focused and maintaining their happiness, we forget to give back to the community and need people who live out this lifestyle to show us what true unconditional enduring love is.

I totally recommend this movie with all my heart! When you have time, please rent or buy it and watch it. It will change your life! Check out their link below!

The Drop Box Film

Ephesians 5: 1-2

Quote

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk
in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,
with all humility and gentleness,
with patience,
bearing with one another in love,
eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit
in the bond of peace.”

“Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
as God in Christ forgave you.”

-Ephesians 5: 32

Perks of Being a Wallflower

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Ain’t it true?

This is a quote from the book and movie â€śPerks of Being a Wallflower” which I watched again earlier this year in Venice and resonated with me even until now. It really made me think about what kind of people and things we allow in our lives. I made this because it is very much something I had to reflect on while thinking about my past relationships and had also allowed so much turmoil and emotional abuse in. If somebody treats you unrightly continually, you begin to believe it’s what you deserve. And when you think it’s what you deserve, you end up accepting it as true and right. You accept the lies, the disrespect, the abuse. Only recently have I realized this and how different people have been telling me I don’t deserve some of those things. So hard to break out of, but this quote really made me think.

Ain’t it true?

Links about Emotional Abuse and  Signs of Emotional Abuse.
More Graphic Designs by Judy Kim.
Made by Judy Kim Productions!

Graphic Designs

I am really starting to get into graphic designing and I am very excited to work on new designs!! I just started putting my ideas onto the digital paper, and here’s what I’ve been coming up with! Words of encouragement that I think each one of us needs to be reminded of, including myself 🙂

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I came up with this as I was going through depression and deeply rooted thoughts of worthlessness and unworthiness. As I am overcoming lots of it, I am realizing that people often struggle with this as well while going through depression and anxiety. I was remembering and grieving some moments when people I have loved had treated me with contempt and treated me like I was worthless through their words and actions. In a summary form of what I have been dealing for years: As I was crying with much grief remembering these traumatic abusive moments, I was reminded with a small still voice in my head saying, “Judy, you were still worthy to be loved then.” Which made me cry even more in hysteria, realizing that we should be worthy to be loved, no matter how people treat us. Which turned into a “You are worthy to be loved.” Which led to more tears and realization. Simply put, I think it was God. And I think it’s a truth that’s hard to believe if you didn’t think it growing up. But you better start believing it! Ask anyone around you that cares about you, they will agree.

You are Signficant Yellow-01

I’ve always wanted to use art as a form of encouragement, especially truths that I have learned the hard way, or wished someone would’ve told me at a young age. One being the thought that I am significant. And in turn preaching this message, I tell you that you are also significant.

The objects from this one are from a series of downloadable vectors I found online (thank you freepik.com) and I started changing the positions of the flowers and picking and choosing from various options, and changing the words to be more of importance and meaning. Simply reminding you that you are significant. Don’t forget that you are important and your life is very important. Don’t let this media digital world drown your beautiful meaningful life out in comparison to others. I know in Korea the suicide rate is incredibly high, and the happiness level in this country is incredibly low. Don’t be part of the statistics, and if you are, just know you are significant. Don’t forget it. Hold on to it. Save this and put it as your phone screen saver until it becomes a habit to read and remember. Hold on, dear.

More graphic designing ideas to come and be made! Requests are also okay in the comments, for encouragement (not for your business or profit). Thanks!

Is it truly possible?

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I wonder…

Is it truly possible?

Is it possible? For the thoughts of idealism, concepts, and ideas of safety and love.. can they manifest on this earth?

These days, I’ve been conflicted.

Because all the ways of love,
the ways of commitment
the ways of good friendships
the idealism of commitment,
the thought of safety,
protection,
consistency- good consistency
could really exist.

I’ve been quite afraid.

Afraid of love, afraid of being disappointed.
How sorrowful is a disappointed soul?
How outlandish is a broken spirit?
How hopeless is the mind of the beat-down?

I’ve been so used to inconsistency, the inconsistency of loyalty. I’m used to friends, sisters, brothers, turning their backs on me.
Suddenly.
Unpredictably.
Walking on eggshells. I’m so afraid of knowing their thoughts.
I’m so afraid that deep down they secretly hate me.
Despise me.
And are waiting to pounce on me.
To destroy my sense of dignity, to rip away my strength.
To deconstruct my reality that devalues my thoughts and emotions.
My reactions, my anger.
They desire to destroy my sense of reality.
They desire to rip away my dignity.

These people.
These ideas.
These concepts.
Have rummaged through my mind, day in and day out.
Fearful of the resurrection of the past.
So convinced I deserved it all, so convinced that malice and anger and emotional manipulation and destruction was of me.
Was the way I was to be treated.
Was the way of friendship.
Was the way of family.
Was the way of love.

So I was afraid of love.
If love meant destruction.
I didn’t want it.
I couldn’t believe in the best.

People were the vessels of anger, destruction.
The vessels of death.
The vessels of verbal destruction and endless criticism.
The destruction of the sense of self,
The destruction of the sense of worth,
The destruction of dignity and self-respect.

I’ve fought these thoughts. But they’ve been screaming in my mind, making tantrums in my head, reminding me of what I deserve.
I can’t afford to be disappointed. So I put my guards up. I put my walls up.
I put my layers of protection on, judging myself before someone else can judge me.
Destroying someone else’s dignity in my mind, before they rip apart mine.
Foreseeing their evil nature and ability to hurt me.
I can see it, I can see it all.

So I pretend, or so I avoid.
So capable of evil, they are.

—–

These days, I’ve been conflicted.

Through a series of events.
People, ideas, concepts.
Idealism.
Whispers from the heavenlies.

Perhaps love is real.
Perhaps protection is real.
Perhaps safety in friendship is real.
Consistency.
Manifested on this earth.
Not utter destruction, bitching, betrayal in a moment, then back to friendship.
That’s not real friendship.
That was wrong. Really wrong.

So I hope.
Surprise me, God, surprise me.

Intimacy.

Intimacy. It’s a word that you don’t quite get to know until you yourself experience it.

Intimacy has to do with relationships. A deep understanding of someone. A personal relationship. A communion that goes on, not just a one-way relationship, but an interaction. An unspoken connection, a bond that cannot be moved, only deepened. Someone you share life with. You start noticing the little things; the habits; the patterns. You just get them. You share your thoughts, your worries, your joys, your dreams, your wounds. You begin opening up and trust is built up. Then established. You become so intimate with one another your heart intertwines. What burns on their heart burns on yours. What burns on your heart burns on theirs. Then you become one.

About a month ago, I was at the prayer tabernacle to just sit in the presence of God and commune with him through praise and worship and writing and praying. It was a splendid time. And then a brother comes up to me and whispers all these things into my ear, telling me things that have been burned upon my heart but unrecognized by the world. He started gently saying, “You know, God’s really proud of you. He honors you as his princess. You are a princess. And crowns you as princess.”

“God delights in you. He loves the intimacy He’s had with you. And I thank you God that this sister is so intimate with you that what other people are thinking doesn’t matter at all. She’s so intertwined with you, there’s no room for what other people are thinking. For her affirmation comes from you. I thank you that there is no separation between you and Judy.”

He continues, “Nothing can get inbetween the intimacy you have with the Lord. You are inseparable from Him. There is no separation between you and God. You carry his heart. You are his beloved. You are his precious one. You are a princess.”

“You’ve been wondering why your hearts been growing so much. Why so many things around you fills you with yearning and heartache. Why your heart breaks so much. But you know, when a soldier goes out to fight for his nation, the more his heart grows for his country, to more able he is to fight and bring victory. The more he is able to fight see specifically and battle with passion. It’s from the heart of the Father. And you are so connected to the Father’s heart. When his heart burns, your heart burns. There’s no separation between you and God.”

This is the part when I started weeping. And couldn’t hold back my tears or even my voice from crying. Because it’s everything that the Lord had been speaking to me about as I walked on my campus and watched hundreds of girls around me filled with depression and anxiety. Insecurities and fears. Defense mechanisms and walls. Even the ajumas that stood outside everyday to hand out pamphlets and advertisement of hair salons and restaurants. Man, my heart burns. I throw up quick prayers.

But regardless of what I saw in the natural or the disappointment I faced with classmates, I always took it back up with the Lord. Communed with Jesus. Told my beloved my thoughts, my confessions, my heart.

“I see your beloved holding out a handful of diamond rings. Wedding rings. Rings upon rings and I see him holding it up to you saying, ‘Not even 1,000 rings can show my love for you. The promise I’ve made to you. The promise to love you.’ You are his beloved.”

I saw my beloved holding thousands of wedding rings cupped in both his hands saying, “This won’t even show how much you mean to me. This cannot even compare.” And then I saw him with a bouquet of roses. Yellow roses. Red roses. And he was all bashful. He was nervous. But he was my beloved. And the roses signified his promise to me. His promise to love me. To never leave me. To never forsake me. But to wed me. To adorn me in jewels as a beautiful bride. That was his promise.

And as I saw this, I kept hearing over and over,
“No greater love is there than this.
No greater love is there than this.
No greater love is there than this.”

No one can take away that love. His unfailing love. Though man may fail, my beloved cannot.

Then my fellow brother says, “You’re sitting right under the angel of intimacy.”